From Right Questions To Wrong Answers Or, Vice Versa?

The thing I would say is, when you grow up you tend to get told that, the world is the way it is. And you should live your life inside that world, try not to bash into the walls too much.. Try to have a nice family life.. Have fun.. Save a little money.. That’s a very generic and limited approach to life. It can much broader once you discover a very simple fact. That everything around you that you call life, is made by people that were no smarter than you. You can change it, influence it. You can build your own things that other people can use. The minute you understand that you can poke life.. push something in and something will pop out the other side. You can change and mold it. That’s may be the most important thing is to shake off this erroneous notion that the life is there and, you are just gonna live in it vs embracing it, changing it, shaping it, improving it to match your inner voice’s demands. Once you learn that, you will never be the same again.

I would say that’s what happened to me a long back. I discovered the different between generic vs personalized way of living and embracing things. But I could never image that building a personalized life that matches your inner voice’s demand would be so much more difficult.

I still don’t understand why people like sports. They get so emotional over the weirdest things. But I do see the beauty in the rules, the invisible code of chaos hiding behind the menacing face of order. I don’t understand how people can find joy in little things.. Probably it’s important for human survival. Frankly, I could never get it..

People like to keep the journal. It’s the only way to program your routine like it’s supposed to. I keep my bedroom free of computer or internet access. All that’s left for me is ordinary analog sleep. Ending the day’s loop, you might not think that it’s a way to live. But why not? Repeating the same tasks each day. Without ever having to think about them. Isn’t that what everybody does? Keep things on repeat.

When you look closely at the seams between order and chaos, do you see the same things I see. The strains, the tears, the glimpse of truth hidden underneath. Why do they fight so desperately to mask what they are? Or is it that they become what they are when they put on the mask? Sometimes I wonder what you hide behind it. What mask do you wear? Or are you just as afraid as the rest of them? Me? Am I afraid? Nah, man. I am different.

An entrepreneur in me has become my god and like all gods, that madness takes you prisoner. People think their worship is some key to happiness. That’s just how a hidden person in you owns you. Even if I am not crazy enough to believe that distortion of reality. So fuck God. He’s not a good enough scapegoat for me.

Better the devil you know than devil you don’t, right?

Maybe the entrepreneur in me is unplugged, powerless! He’ll try to wear me down but as long as I stick to the regimen, he can’t take control. No matter how much of an illusion I think this is. That’s what the control of regimen, my routine journal, my perfectly constructed loop, what this whole thing’s been about. A gap in my consciousness.

May be its not about avoiding the crash, the fatal failure that could be ahead of me. But it’s about setting a breakpoint. To find the flaw in the code, fix it and carry on until you hit the next flaw. It’s a quest to keep on going, to always fight for footing. Maybe we are all stumbling from the right questions to the wrong answers. Or from the right answers to the wrong questions. It doesn’t matter where you go or where you come from, as long as you keep stumbling. That’s all it takes and that’s as good as it gets.

This game I have agreed to is dangerous. Maybe I will end up destroying a part of myself. win or lose, for better or worse, the entrepreneur in me is a part of me that makes me, me. The world that I have always wanted. I would like very much to fight for it. It’s just like chess.

In chess, external help isn’t allowed. That’s the beauty of this game. You are locked into a set of moves as determined by your previous choices. Your options dramatically changing with every decision. There is no lifeline. There is no external force at play. It is a pure battle of two opponents, or in this case, one! The game always concludes in stalemate. But you need a winner, so you always reset until you find it. You can think all the moves you want but, at the end of the day, the moves that an entrepreneur in you is making are the ones you are telling him to make.. And there are over 9 million possible positions after three chess moves each. There are over 288 billion different possible positions after four moves. A number of 40 moves game is greater than the number of electrons in the observable universe. You don’t need to know those outcomes. You just need to be able to see ahead of your opponent. But how can you when your other opponent is you? Stalemate. You can’t beat him and he can’t beat you. You could play again, but you will always be at this impasse.

When a computer gets hit with a kernel panic, there’s only so much you can do. An internal fatal error is hard to recover from. Probably that’s what has happened to me. Any second an entrepreneur in me is going to come back and my mind will be under siege again. I will wear that charming mask and burn rubber to get back on the track.

A distinct friend called up and said, I didn’t get placed in campus rounds. Thinking of trying my luck with building a startup. Did you ever consider whether entrepreneurs are born or made? You cannnot program yourself to be one. It has to be within you, a completely strange avatar of your own that commands you, dominates you, controls you and manipulates every move to match what he desires to become, to reach the milestone that he wants to conquer.

Dealing with your own mind is probably the most powerful takeaway of entrepreneurship. It can make you mentally invincible…

Laters!

– mr sil